I just received a notification from WordPress congratulating me on my “blog’s” first year since I registered this account. Man how time flies. Because of that, I am choosing to delve into this C that’s been a struggle for the artist in me.
I’m definitely not pertaining to my second name, but rather the big C that’s been one of the greatest challenges in my life: Courage.
Don’t we all have this huge fear over something that stunts our personal growth? The fear of heights, of public speaking, of narrow places, of spiders, of failure, of success, of the unknown, of vulnerability and of a whole lot more? We all have at least one thing to fear about and we are all forced to go through it everyday, if not defeat it entirely.
The bad news is, there is no overnight remedy for overcoming fear. The thought stays in our mind as long as it can until we finally get over it… which is until when? The day we die? Let’s hope not.
Last year this is what I focused on–slaying this major demon that’s been getting in the way of my personal growth.
Courage is a big word, and admit it or not, not everyone can surpass their greatest fears in a blink of an eye. But is it solely about outshining it?
My answer is no.
A very good friend of mine, my angel in disguise, constantly reminded me one thing every time I came in contact with fear. She’d always tell me to “feel the fear and face it anyway.” Took me sometime to fully absorb those words, and the moment I embraced fear and made it my friend, I cannot fathom myself going back to that scared little girl I once was.
It wasn’t an easy ride though.
Before I took the leap, when I imagine myself going beyond my comfort zone I get more than terrified. The thought really scared the shit out of me (mind you, I was just picturing it then). So the terror of finally taking one baby step forward made me want to just quit and retract to who I was.
“But that’s not what life is all about,” I incessantly told myself. Every moment that I had to adjust, to stretch my capabilities, to question my own negative beliefs, at the back of my head, I knew for certain that I had to do it no matter how uncomfortable it made me feel.
So screw fear!
It’s just a thought and thoughts can be changed.
Reframing and reprogramming my beliefs were a challenge at first, but the moment I decided to take the plunge, it was all but a breeze. Besides, first step is always the hardest, isn’t it?
It all started December last year.
I did things I never imagined I’d do. Prior to it, I was too caught up, too confined in my self-limitations, that when I completely gave in and did what I had to do, I was rattled with bouts of gulping and gasping and panicking. But as soon as I got it over and done with, I found it so much easier to breathe, to truly live.
First, I dealt with my disempowerment that manifested through authority. What was once impossible to my eye became so palpable after I faced it head on. The initial apprehension existed, but the want to cut ties and stand my ground was more dominant than anything else. So I did it and my power gradually ricocheted back.
Second was overcoming my fear of vulnerability. You see, I’m not one of those women who cry easily, not unless the emotion is so hard to express that I get frustrated and there’s no other option but to cry. Either that or heartbreak. In this case, however, it didn’t really involve any bawling. It was a happy kind of vulnerability; verbalizing my deep-seated emotions without holding back. Being the first to admit my feelings toward a guy I admired for quite a while also unnerved me. But it had to be done.
The first two took a few hours and weeks (consecutively) for me to muster up the courage to follow through, but I eventually did.
Little did I think it was in preparation for something so much greater.
Before the year ended I came face to face with my biggest fear: the unknown. The moment this episode presented itself to me, I knew I had to seize it. Even if it’s nerve-racking due to unfamiliar course and extensive transition, I jumped right in.
It’s been a week and three days since I did, and I must say, I am not regretting it. Sure, I had to sacrifice a lot to get to this point, and for the past 10 days, I have nothing but so much gratitude for the freedom and foreseeable success I yearn to attain before I turn 30.
What brought me to this? The big C.
The intimidating word that’s imperative to one’s personal growth. Courage brought me to where I am now. I may not be as successful as I planned YET, but I know I’m one giant step away from it.
Hence the most important thing I’ve learned that pretty much sums up my 2013: It’s so cosmic because I always check that app on Facebook, and today when I did, that’s the message given to me. I am a believer of signs and this one I take as one big fat sign that I truly am on the right track.
So, that being said, 2014 is all about POWER, OPENNESS, and COURAGE; to go beyond my limits no matter how distressing and perplexing it is at first. To hold on to my power, express myself openly, and have immeasurable courage to do things I’ve never done despite sacrifices and hurt because in the end it will all be worth it.
The fear will always be there and more things to be afraid of will come, but the will to choose to do things and the courage to really dive in, that’s when amazing things and feelings take place.