Why Move On When You Can Just…

I’m not proud to say that it’s breakup season on my side of town. And that doesn’t even include me. Nope. I’m single and I was surprisingly greeted by my ex a happy anniversary the other day. It wasn’t even for the time we hooked up. It was the quite opposite actually. He greeted me because September is the month we’ve broken up… Two years ago. I know right? (I promise to post a more sympathetic entry next time)

Anyway, yes, it’s breakup season and I’ve heard a considerable amount of cries and disgust that I can actually build a house from them (if it’s even possible converting feelings into estates). Unfortunately that’s not the case. In fact, like I said in my previous post, best thing a third perspective can do is listen.

Because the reality here is it’s over and there’s nothing people can do about it. We can’t force ourselves into someone else’s life if we’re not welcome there anymore. Reality bites, I know. And it can sure damn suck my balls.

In situations like this, friends would always end up saying the overused advice, “stop crying and move on–for yourself.” Easy to say when you’re not in the position. Like, “yeah I can be all bipolar with this case and you know, cry one minute, then move on the next. And voilà! I’m better. Let’s paint the freakin’ town red.”

Then again, it doesn’t work that way.

So what is it about breakups that make it so hard to endure?

Is it the huge amount of effort you exert in adjusting to new ways? Or probably the feeling of getting dumped even if the two of you were the ones who did the dumping? Could it be the self-pity that follows it? You want to seek revenge because you’re hurt sore? Or maybe the hopelessness because you felt the person was “The One” – that got away perhaps?

Whatever the reason may be, one thing holds true: this is another chapter of one’s life wherein he/she is actually entitled to improve and redo one’s self. Yes, it definitely is the perfect excuse to be conceited. Now you can tell your cliché-talking friend to get lost because it’s your time to shine.

But, before change happens, acceptance must take place. So prior to cutting your hair short (or shaving it, whatever rocks your boat), take a moment to breathe and embrace the endless possibilities that are about to come your way. ACCEPTANCE is key. Accept that it’s over and fixing it is beyond your capacity. Accept together with forgiveness. Just like what Aunt May said to Spiderman in Spiderman 3, ” Well, you start by doing the hardest thing: You forgive yourself.” Indeed. And you never thought you’d pick up values from a superhero movie huh?

Once you’re done accepting and forgiving (even the ones who aren’t even involved) then the transformation begins. Go out. Meet new people. Experience new things. Do stuff that you didn’t get to do when you were still tied up. Learn a new language. Cook a gazillion dishes in a month. Play with your dog. Chat with your long-lost friend. Spend more time with your family. Get a makeover. Go shopping. Hit the clubs. Finish that book you’ve ignored. Or better yet, go to the movies by yourself. Do everything you’ve been meaning to do in your own sweet time.

People are normally scared of change. It’s natural. So break the record, and accept that another major life change is taking place. I won’t be one of those friends who’d tell you to move on. Instead, I want you to accept, surrender to the process, and live the life you’ve always dreamed of. It’s not going to be easy, cliché as it may sound, but trust me, everything’s going to be worth it.

“Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.” ~William James

So why move on when you can just accept?

Oh and when you’re done, hit me up, maybe we can grab a coffee and talk about… Love. How does that sound?

My Take On Listening

One of the greatest things I’ve learned in life is to listen. Given that I am deaf in one ear (the right one, but thank God my left ear works perfectly), I’ve practiced the art of listening to people whom I consider important and unimportant. It exudes practicing several values too such as respect, openness, compassion and understanding.

I’m still young, but at the age of 27 I can already say that I have met various people from different walks of life and listening to them has been one of the few talents that made a HUGE difference. As a result, whether I agreed or disagreed with their joyous stories and repetitive qualms, it made them feel important just by being listened to.

I can also attest to that because definitely not everyone has the same talent and I’ve experienced firsthand. There are those who can’t seem to fixate themselves on my words probably because of preëmpted judgment or dismay. Oftentimes when they catch me ranting it sends off a negative impression or my optimism comes off as repulsive. But no matter what their reason may be, each and every one of us (this I know for a fact without survey or studies) that bottom line of listening to others is to silently show that they matter too, that they have a voice, and are worthy to be heard.

We are all undeniably self-centered in our own ways, but we can’t expect others to treat us differently with the way we treat them. You get what you give, maybe not from the same person you’ve given it to, but you get the similar, if not the same, treatment from people who matter as much to you.

So, a little piece of unsolicited advice, instead of preëmpted judgments to either the negativity and enthusiasm of others or both, LISTEN WITHOUT ANY INTERRUPTION. You’re not three anymore to be excused from being rude by interrupting someone from speaking. So just listen with full attention, ground yourself, and be one with the world. Because each of us have our own stories to tell. It may not be that important to you, but to the person speaking, each word they say may mean the world to them.

Start making a difference by extending your time and patience. But! If it’s going in circles, getting below the belt and not making any sense, then by all means speak up; for sure they’ll listen too because they value you.

“You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time.” — M. Scott Peck

“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.” – Ernest Hemingway

Writing Exerise ’08

As I was reviewing my old notes on writing, I came across this piece that I worked on four years ago. It was actually an assignment in college wherein students were asked to write their own obituaries. I, however, decided to write a story on how I pictured myself dying. I don’t quite recall the grade I got for doing this and not following directions, but anyway, point is it’s fun to look back on old writings that are hardly remembered.

Here goes…

MY DREAM EXIT

Talking about your own personal death seems morose to many, but facing the reality of one’s own demise takes courage and a little overcast of imagination. Planning your own death, much more having the foresight on how you will pass this world, is something that may seem illogical. In this piece, I will try to do the unthinkable and convey to you my thoughts on how I would like to go.

I’ve always dreamt of being a successful publisher one day, having my own firm and doing it my own way. I am happily married with twins, a boy and a girl. I personally handpick my employees and see to it that they are trained the way I want them to be. My husband is an international businessman that’s why he is out of the country most of the time. My daughter is a rising model and has just recently been chosen as one of the most beautiful faces in the country today. And my son is a private lawyer who is about to get married to a woman that I feel is not right for him. This is where my tale starts.

I just came from my son’s wedding night when it all happened. My husband is out on a business trip so I had to do the driving myself. Call it premonition, but something was uniquely special that day. Earlier, I was extra-attentive to my people. Hearing out their concerns and sharing a few laughs – things that I don’t normally do in the office. I have always maintained my focus and this has been the backbone of my formula for success. For the first time since my company started, that night, I actually made my employees happy.

In fact I never quite pictured my life to be perfect. I had a lot of conflicts during my childhood which I never made any effort to resolve. Maybe because I felt that I never had the time to fix things, much more waste my time in analyzing stuff that are not even connected to the pursuit of my goals. During the reception of my son’s wedding, I found myself in the midst of old friends; the same ones that I felt would hamper my growth. I found myself exchanging pleasantries and started reminiscing about the past. Later during that night, the air cleared, the stars shone brightly and my tears just rolled away in perfect ecstasy. I am whole again; I am happy.

After giving my son a big hug, I turned to his bride and welcomed her to the family with all sincerity. My son looked at me, puzzled but happy. I later realized that I have given my son the best gift of all, my solemn blessing.

I have bid my adieu, waved my goodbyes and decided to go home. Driving down the long highway usually bores me but this night was absolutely different. I couldn’t wipe away the smile on my face, the tears in my eyes and the joy in my heart. I finally found my inner peace. Then…

BAM!!!

A truck from the opposite way suddenly lost its control, swerved to my lane, and hit my vehicle head on – crushing the entire chassis like it was nothing. Sirens, lights, noises, silence, light…

This is how I want to go, QUICK, FAST, AND PAINLESS.

Music of Spain Mashup

Since I’ve always been a jazz loyalist, I never really  got acquainted with Spanish music until today. The tables have turned when I stumbled upon this YouTube video that is almost an hour-long which features various Spanish artists in one go.

I am surprised by how romantic Spanish music is no matter the beat. Although my favorite musical instrument is saxophone, this particular mashup provided several amazing sounds coming out from the classical guitar, which originated from Andalusia, Northern Spain. In my country, the classical guitar is usually used for acoustic performances, strummed according to renditions of our local artists, often used to serenade women back in the day. The music of Spain, however, opened my eyes to the versatility of the instrument.

Today marks the beginning of a new musical journey for me. Listen to the mashup that changed it all.

The Island Where One of the 7 Wonders of Nature Resides

Early this year, my family and I were privileged to visit one of the many beautiful islands in the Philippines, Palawan. It was a short stay (three days, two nights) but it was worthwhile. Many of you may have heard of Boracay, being Philippines’s #1 tourist spot, but Palawan is way different from it. There are less people, more trees, and the clear blue sea is literally crystal clear.

It’s the perfect getaway for those who wish to unwind and free one’s mind.

Here are a few shots from Puerto Prinsesa, Palawan by yours truly..

Entrance to the Underground River

Island  Hopping Shot

My personal favorite, Badjao Seafront Restaurant View

The best part of traveling for me is the unforgettable memories you make with your companions. Of course adding to it the feeling of adventure it brings. Plus the new lessons you pick up from locals and foreigners.

I will never ever get tired of traveling. We live in this beautiful world and I believe firmly that we all deserve to see the amazing sights Mother Earth has to offer. Life is an unending journey of learning and discovery and for me, that includes traveling.

I wish to go back to the island soon. Maybe my next goal would be Coron, Palawan or better yet Amanpulo.

Cuore Giallo: Yellow Heart

Why “yellow heart” in Italian?

For the longest time I’ve meant to speak Italian. I find the language rather romantic and sexy to the point that when spoken it’s eargasmic. Cuore giallo is a start for me other than the few basic Italian words/phrases I know such as “ciao” and “bon appetit.” Plus the fact that Giallo has my first name in it–there is no giallo without GIA.

I have always been fascinated by the moxie of yellow. Picture the glittering sun and the comely hue of daffodils when they blossom in spring. It is a symbol of power, intellect and joy. Sunday is coded in yellow-gold too. The energy that yellow exudes and the happiness it brings excites me every time.

My all-time favorite shape–heart–which represents love. When I was little I always doodle hearts in different sizes, in any place I can put my pencil on–papers, walls, tissues, bags, what have you. And by the time I got older, I was told that drawing hearts meant how overflowing I am with love. Heart is also believed to symbolize the soul and is the seat of emotions.

This is me and how I live life–with a burning yellow heart; a balance between the intellect and emotion, the energy and the soul. I am always eager to learn new things, explore greater heights, and even self-study on different languages that catch my fancy.

Welcome to my page! Here you’ll see future posts of life as I know it, how it helped and inspired me, guided by my own cuore giallo. Enjoy! Ciao!